you glitter as if adorned by million crystals abound
never did the moon seem brighter than its reflection in you
sitting by you, i experience a calm, yet
i walk on thorns for fear of uttering a perturbing sound
your graceful sway, a temptress, a delight
you purse your lips and whisper a cool breeze in a teasing display of might
but when did this breeze become an angry wind?
and when did you trample homes with your angry gait?
you're so simple, yet frittered with complexities
unpredictable and quivering in your stance
one moment you laugh like an innocent child full of wonder
the next you rage with ferocity and drive yourself to the abyss
your path transpired peaks, you conquered valleys
yet you remain edgy among plains and landscapes that are friendly
why do you tread with precarious balance
why can't you accept the offer of unwavering trust
equanimity and balance are not easily conquerable traits
yet once acquired, you'll walk head held high with a peaceful steady gait
the angst will go, fear will disappear
take my word, it's not a spiteful bait
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
72 months ago
we trotted one-legged, laughing at our heroics unsung
counting our falls and splashing around
the spirits kept floating in one by one
angels and devils together on a song
friends sent the beaded necklace to do their thwart
of the evil eye sending fires by
but we believed the garden of love
was impervious to the flashes of envious draughts
but ashes remain, the shards of the wine glass poke
charred are the bouquets and the cards swim afloat
it was fun that time, the red dress on, the mile long walk and the rainsong
that was years ago and time moved on, now i see your silhouette on the horizon.
counting our falls and splashing around
the spirits kept floating in one by one
angels and devils together on a song
friends sent the beaded necklace to do their thwart
of the evil eye sending fires by
but we believed the garden of love
was impervious to the flashes of envious draughts
but ashes remain, the shards of the wine glass poke
charred are the bouquets and the cards swim afloat
it was fun that time, the red dress on, the mile long walk and the rainsong
that was years ago and time moved on, now i see your silhouette on the horizon.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Six Months
I'd told myself that I am not going to keep this count going. But I can't help it. Honestly, this makes me feel better.
Today, I only remember odd quirky things about Appa. Yet, I am so choked with emotion that I can't bring myself to smile. But I am going to allow myself this effusion. I think I must go through these motions of grief... if I truly intend to move on.
Move on, I must.
... and it is getting an iota easier with the passage of time. I'll be happy with that.
Miss you lots Pa.
I'll especially miss the huge b'day signed "With Love, Dad the Great", the lovely bouquet and the black forest (with the biscuit base) that came every year.
I miss our daddy-daughter dates. (though we last had one 5 yrs ago).
Thanks for everything.
Haru
Today, I only remember odd quirky things about Appa. Yet, I am so choked with emotion that I can't bring myself to smile. But I am going to allow myself this effusion. I think I must go through these motions of grief... if I truly intend to move on.
Move on, I must.
... and it is getting an iota easier with the passage of time. I'll be happy with that.
Miss you lots Pa.
I'll especially miss the huge b'day signed "With Love, Dad the Great", the lovely bouquet and the black forest (with the biscuit base) that came every year.
I miss our daddy-daughter dates. (though we last had one 5 yrs ago).
Thanks for everything.
Haru
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Recommended
Shaun is a year junior to me at med-school... and on of the few people who share my attraction to public health. I feel proud of the fact that I stalled his journey to Bawlmer and redirected him to have fun at the Tea Party.
that aside, he's a madcap i've known for a while now!
His cartoon strip Boze M.D. is hilarious and provides me my daily boost of laughter. Highly recommended to those who suffered the trials and tribulations of sitting in the library with a big fat Harrison.
that aside, he's a madcap i've known for a while now!
His cartoon strip Boze M.D. is hilarious and provides me my daily boost of laughter. Highly recommended to those who suffered the trials and tribulations of sitting in the library with a big fat Harrison.
Religious power baits.
Prez Obama's now-famous speech at the Cairo University was poetic, to say the least. I was mesmerized by his clear voice and lucid diction as I watched him address the audience at the university and the world outside ... on youtube. While I appreciate the large-hearted token of friendship and understanding extended by the new president, I am cynical about how this man can really change a million attitudes.
I read the transcript of that speech ... and it looks like an award-winning essay. Obama is well-traveled, has the distinct advantage of mixed parental and step-parental lineage, highly educated and more than that an enthusiastic deep thinker who carries him nothing more than the force of conviction. But as much as I respect and love Obama, I am wary of how much he can translate his words into action.
Yet, I have hope. I was talking to one of my Iranian friends (perks of living in this new world) and she was obviously terribly upset over the rampant blatant violence and injustice in her country. But it was the voice (more like hearsay) of another Iranian acquaintance that caught me... He says that it doesn't matter whether Ahmadejinad or Mousavi come to power. It won't make any difference because ultimately, as the world is witness to, Khomenei and his orthodox puritanical clergy are the 'supreme' power in the country. He said, the rebellion should actually be directed towards ousting the religious heads from fiefdom as they are truly responsible for the unrest in the country. The cry for change is one for a more liberal society and not just for a change in leadership...
Which reminds me of something that MP once said... "A country based on religion can never be successful"... in the context of the 1947 partition. And the more I think about it, the more it seems true. Pakistan and India are cultural twins. (and I can vouch for this as I mingle with quite a few Pakis here). Jinnah apparently envisaged a future for the two countries as one similar to the bond between the USA and Canada - competitive but peaceful. The only reason Jinnah pushed for the creation of Pakistan was to ensure a living in accordance with the principles of the Quran. Yet, even in a country that is homogeneously Muslim, their people are caught in the midst of strife - Muslims killing Muslims. Israel, also created for religious homogeneity, is constantly striving for survival... with ambitious surges of expansion. India on the other hand (while truly not secular), has relatively managed peaceful habitation and co-existence amidst a garden of religions. The USA is similar. Yes, there is no denial that there is a constant show of religious one upmanship in these countries... which makes MP's statement stronger. Personally, religion for me is just a way of instilling discipline in our lives... the matter of God is more spiritual. And you can't dictate the correct way of living... it is a personal choice. MP, you're absolutely right.
I hope the Hindutva ideologues see this glaring evidence. For the love of my country, I pray that we are never wholly saffronized.
P.S. ... we keep teasing MP about being a kid... but he does seem to have some sparks of brilliance and mature thinking. ;)
I read the transcript of that speech ... and it looks like an award-winning essay. Obama is well-traveled, has the distinct advantage of mixed parental and step-parental lineage, highly educated and more than that an enthusiastic deep thinker who carries him nothing more than the force of conviction. But as much as I respect and love Obama, I am wary of how much he can translate his words into action.
Yet, I have hope. I was talking to one of my Iranian friends (perks of living in this new world) and she was obviously terribly upset over the rampant blatant violence and injustice in her country. But it was the voice (more like hearsay) of another Iranian acquaintance that caught me... He says that it doesn't matter whether Ahmadejinad or Mousavi come to power. It won't make any difference because ultimately, as the world is witness to, Khomenei and his orthodox puritanical clergy are the 'supreme' power in the country. He said, the rebellion should actually be directed towards ousting the religious heads from fiefdom as they are truly responsible for the unrest in the country. The cry for change is one for a more liberal society and not just for a change in leadership...
Which reminds me of something that MP once said... "A country based on religion can never be successful"... in the context of the 1947 partition. And the more I think about it, the more it seems true. Pakistan and India are cultural twins. (and I can vouch for this as I mingle with quite a few Pakis here). Jinnah apparently envisaged a future for the two countries as one similar to the bond between the USA and Canada - competitive but peaceful. The only reason Jinnah pushed for the creation of Pakistan was to ensure a living in accordance with the principles of the Quran. Yet, even in a country that is homogeneously Muslim, their people are caught in the midst of strife - Muslims killing Muslims. Israel, also created for religious homogeneity, is constantly striving for survival... with ambitious surges of expansion. India on the other hand (while truly not secular), has relatively managed peaceful habitation and co-existence amidst a garden of religions. The USA is similar. Yes, there is no denial that there is a constant show of religious one upmanship in these countries... which makes MP's statement stronger. Personally, religion for me is just a way of instilling discipline in our lives... the matter of God is more spiritual. And you can't dictate the correct way of living... it is a personal choice. MP, you're absolutely right.
I hope the Hindutva ideologues see this glaring evidence. For the love of my country, I pray that we are never wholly saffronized.
P.S. ... we keep teasing MP about being a kid... but he does seem to have some sparks of brilliance and mature thinking. ;)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Phew! Finally the end. Cliched at may sound... I am breathing easy now. One year at Hopkins. I should be proud. I am. It is not an easy place to be and I also have a tendency of screwing up the easiest tasks. But it's over. So over. (As Meredith Grey once said!).
What a year it has been.
It was a year of win some lose some. Throughout. I made great friends, made some im-definitely-not-your-friend(s). One thing I will attest to was that there was no monotony. Maybe the constant action and reaction was tiresome.
I got over some well-entrenched prejudices, saw myself in a new light... i.e. accepted that I have my faults and I am really not as perfect as I imagined myself to be. :)
It's been a year where I've done some growing up. And some age-defying regressions.
If I sit with an account book, my family size has stayed constant.
I've learnt so much in the past year, I think I haven't retained even half of that. And I am not talking academics here.
My weekend love notes are a hit. Atleast with some ppl.
Cooking has been good too. Though tidiness needs to be worked on.
Love for clinical medicine is returning. That's a change since my last year's b'day post.
I've begun earning. And more than half my pay goes in paying rent for a house I hardly live in. Apparently, it's called modern-day life.
I am pathetic at negotiating.
I still get tongue-tied with people I have crushes on. It's ridiculous.
I was blessed with an awesome roomie. Hopefully I'll say the same thing same time next year.
My old friendships stayed intact. That's cool!
Hmm... so much to mull over. Should do that on my shuttle ride.
Have decided to start making to-do lists. For everyday. For life.
What a year it has been.
It was a year of win some lose some. Throughout. I made great friends, made some im-definitely-not-your-friend(s). One thing I will attest to was that there was no monotony. Maybe the constant action and reaction was tiresome.
I got over some well-entrenched prejudices, saw myself in a new light... i.e. accepted that I have my faults and I am really not as perfect as I imagined myself to be. :)
It's been a year where I've done some growing up. And some age-defying regressions.
If I sit with an account book, my family size has stayed constant.
I've learnt so much in the past year, I think I haven't retained even half of that. And I am not talking academics here.
My weekend love notes are a hit. Atleast with some ppl.
Cooking has been good too. Though tidiness needs to be worked on.
Love for clinical medicine is returning. That's a change since my last year's b'day post.
I've begun earning. And more than half my pay goes in paying rent for a house I hardly live in. Apparently, it's called modern-day life.
I am pathetic at negotiating.
I still get tongue-tied with people I have crushes on. It's ridiculous.
I was blessed with an awesome roomie. Hopefully I'll say the same thing same time next year.
My old friendships stayed intact. That's cool!
Hmm... so much to mull over. Should do that on my shuttle ride.
Have decided to start making to-do lists. For everyday. For life.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
5 months
... 2 weeks became a month... became 3 months.. became 5 months.
i am still standing... or rather finally standing. but not without wavering.
the tubes still haunt me. the bruises from the needles still tarnish the lasting memory.
the grief remains. it's a lil easier to deal with and accept now. but it hasn't lessened.
i guess this is what the others meant... you'll move on. but it never goes away.
how can it go away? how can he become just another piece of memory stored in my limbic system?
he's watching over me. i feel that all the time. i feel the strength.
... and that's what keeps me going.
i have two dreadful exams in the next two days. but he told me that the only thing i should fear is fear itself. yes, i am learning dad. learning the hard way - because now you aren't around to chase away my fears and i have to do it on my own.
i wonder why i don't have a recording of your voice. but i am assured that i'll never forget the baritone.
love you dad.
more with everyday. and i know that you know it too.
love and hugs,
haru
i am still standing... or rather finally standing. but not without wavering.
the tubes still haunt me. the bruises from the needles still tarnish the lasting memory.
the grief remains. it's a lil easier to deal with and accept now. but it hasn't lessened.
i guess this is what the others meant... you'll move on. but it never goes away.
how can it go away? how can he become just another piece of memory stored in my limbic system?
he's watching over me. i feel that all the time. i feel the strength.
... and that's what keeps me going.
i have two dreadful exams in the next two days. but he told me that the only thing i should fear is fear itself. yes, i am learning dad. learning the hard way - because now you aren't around to chase away my fears and i have to do it on my own.
i wonder why i don't have a recording of your voice. but i am assured that i'll never forget the baritone.
love you dad.
more with everyday. and i know that you know it too.
love and hugs,
haru
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