Saturday, August 23, 2008


Cancerians are supposed to be hoarders - of antiques, nostalgia, memories, general clutter. They cling to the familiar, are home-bodies, love their nest. I am all of that, but then, every once in a while, we humans need something that stretches our comfort zone beyond the comfort line. It's a good thing, to want to experience something new, to learn a new art, to meet new people, to see a new place. But for me, I've never really wanted all of that. I've always been happy with where I am, where I was.

Until, one day, I realized, I needed something new - a change.

So, I decided to digress from my career path, make a bold decision (and a heavily-priced one at that) and move away from all that was familial and familiar before they translated into contempt. I took a leap, flew across the great oceans and came to a new land. New land, new people, a new me? It was all amazing at first - the freedom, the opportunity to be answerable only to myself, the different way of life. My friends around me loved it. I did it too. Atleast, I pretended to - and then I ran back home.

I couldn't take it being away from what I knew as mine. And yet, now that I was back home, I didn't like it anymore. I had taken a large bite of my enticing apple - that first gagged me, but the sweetness remained and I lusted for more.

So I decided to try it again. Start over. I came back to the new land. No wait, it wasn't new anymore this time round. I knew it. I knew the shuttle stops, the groceries, the bookstores, the cafes. I knew the people and they knew me. They recognized me even after all these months. That felt comfortable. Warm. I felt like I belonged.

So, I am happily cocooned in my comfort zone in a new place. I created it last time round and this time I'm enjoying it fully. See, I love the familiar, the old, the memories. I like to relive my life over and over again.

And yet, everything seems new. The way I see things around me, my outlook on life, my perspectives on socializing, everything is new. I have left a large part of ME back home and another significant part of my life left me.

So like Harry Potter in the last book, I have actually been able to see parts of my life leave me piece by piece or would it be peace by peace? Parts and people, I thought were indispensable - and I am just discovering the fallacy of my blind beliefs.

This time, things are the same old, but I am a new person. So new, that I am excited about discovering myself, little by little. I am going to take it slow. This time I don't need others to put challenging things in front of me, I am going to challenge myself. Small tricks here and there. I am on my own, but I do have my Hermione and Ron around.

This time, I am going to create magic. For myself. By myself.

Change is good. Every now and then, I think I am going to need it.

For now I am just fine.

1 comment: