I took a nice vacation away from my fat books. I just realized that I haven't had a real vacation in 9 years! Even the holidays between the after-final-year-exams and before-start-of-internship were ruined by incessant worry over whether I would manage to scrape through the Surgery exam.
I've been enjoying this holiday for nearly 4 months now - free of worry and illness. I had planned to take the Step 2 CK of the USMLE this July-August, but I think my body simply revolted against this idea. Now I am actually beginning to admit to myself that maybe, maybe my body and mind craved for this break. I always compare my life in the last 9 years to an F1 racing car that was running at top speed beyond the control of any gear or speed break - it was destined to crash against a wall the moment I slumped. And so it did.
In the beginning, it was sheer torture. I thought I was being penalized for some unknown reason. The only holiday I was used to was the weekend Sunday (not even Saturday) and that was fruitfully spent in sleeping. But how much could I sleep? My cousin kept teasing me about how I had forgotten how to enjoy a holiday. And I think she was right. Somewhere down the line, I was in such a hurry, that I had forgotten to enjoy life. I had forgotten how to enjoy life poetically - to stop in my track and enjoy the beauty around me!
So, I am glad I took this break. I am feeling so rejuvenated now. The fact that I am able to come with something to write almost everyday is evidence of my rest and relaxation. Fresh, renewed vigor, re-energized, that's me now.
I know I am ready to face my own world again. A world that is punctuated with tests and exams at every opportunity. But that's the way I like it - I am so used to it now, I find it difficult to sit in a place without having a hundred to-d0 tasks running in the back of my mind. I am all set now. To re-enter the world I left a few months ago. To get back to the grind.
But what will be different this time - I will recognize when I need to take a break and chill out. And more importantly, I will actually take the time to do just that - do nothing.